Communication Matters July 12, 2023
Managing up the patient
We are often slow to pay compliments to others. This is particularly true when we operate out of a position of power. As a physician or an Advanced Practice Profes-sional (APP); maybe it will come across as artificial or forced if we assume a compli-ment upon a patient like we were “buttering them up” for a good satisfaction score—or something like that.
However, there is a difference between “buttering a patient up” and “managing a pa-tient up”. Buttering up is “over-the-top” and “cheesy” and therefore sounds and feels fake and insincere. Managing a patient up is offering an objective honest compli-ment. And to give this kind of compliment, you must intentionally look for it.
For instance, a daughter comes in with her frail ailing mother who she takes care of at home. The daughter looks tired and has been watching her mom go downhill. And you say to the patient “You have raised a good daughter! You are fortunate that you have her to take care of you.”
Or a single woman who mentions near the end of the visit, “I need to get home to feed my cats.” And you ask what kind and how many? You can clearly see her brighten as she speaks about them. And you say, “Those cats are lucky to have you love on them.”
You are seeing a male worker who has injured and cut his hand. You can tell from his callouses and his lack of flinching when you do the digital block that this guy is “no nonsense”. You say, “I have you off for two days, but you don’t have to use it if you don’t want to. You strike me as one tough hard worker.”
You are seeing a young infant with the older sibling looking on, clearly concerned and even comforting her infant sibling. You ask the older sister’s name and then say-ing it, you say, “Mariah, your little sister is so lucky to have you as a big sister to help care for her.”
These are not simply empty or gratuitous compliments. They are warm engaging statements that speak to the emotional fortitude of enduring suffering—as well as the communal, emotional and spiritual aspects of loved ones helping to heal. By ver-bally recognizing others, you empower everyone to continue in t
Everyone likes to have nice things said about them to others. And patients are reassured and comforted when staff are called out as being particularly good, or smart, or kind. There are many opportunities to do this more. Just work to make it authentic and not overstated.